Seatmates spar over middle armrests

Airplane armrest unrest can start with a nudge, progress to a shove and develop into full-scale combat as you soar through the clouds
You may have dealt with this issue on your most recent trip. It's a question that has baffled frequent fliers forever: In a three-person row, who is entitled to the middle armrests?

"It's a battle with many people, and there is no simple solution," said John Safkow, a veteran United Airlines flight attendant and creator of cheeky airline information site marthastewardess.com. "They just have to work it out."

Some flight attendants and etiquette experts believe in the concept of middle-seat privilege — that the man or woman in that seat has a rightful claim to the coveted armrests. Others, like Safkow, do not think the center-seat occupant is the undisputed master of the armrests.

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During one armrest conflict, Safkow did side with the woman in the middle. But it was chiefly because the guy at the window was a colossal jerk.

"To raise or to lower the armrest is a big issue," Safkow said. "He wanted the armrest up; she wanted it down. Most people do. He was trying to recline over into her space. He was just going to camp out and make her miserable because some people have this entitlement issue going on when they get on the airplane."

Safkow added that this passenger was such a bully that he made the middle-seat woman, who was traveling to visit her cancer-afflicted mom, burst into tears.

To deal with the dilemma, Safkow enlisted the help of a burly, good-natured guy sitting a few rows away. Safkow explained the situation and asked if the big, friendly fellow would switch seats with the frazzled woman. He did. Guess how the brute in the window seat responded?

"Not a peep out of the guy for the rest of the flight," Safkow said. "He was all squished up against the window."

Safkow felt it was his duty to get involved in that particular armrest war because the offender was so clearly out of line. Otherwise, he wishes passengers would just grow up and settle it themselves.

"So many passengers act like children in situations like that. They'll tattle to the flight attendant and expect us to be the mediator," he said. "We feel weird about it because we're creating a scene when we go over. Everybody's watching."

If Laura Cummings, a regional airline flight attendant based in Louisville, was called upon to defuse an armrest tiff, she would stick to her strict belief in middle-seat privilege.

"As a rule, if there are three seats, the person in the middle seat gets both armrests, since the other two passengers can lean either toward the window or the aisle," she said. "You can, of course, also share. One person can get the back of the armrest in question, and the other can take the forward portion."

Jodi R.R. Smith, president of Mannersmith Consulting in Marblehead, Mass., also thinks that armrests are the dominion of the centrally seated, and that the aisle and window folks should be cognizant of their control.

"If the middle person is not using one or both of the armrests, then the outside people may, for the moment, use them," she said. "As soon as the middle person seems to want or need those armrests, the middle person gets them. —1/8 It is tough enough to be squished in like sardines!"

Amy Alkon, syndicated Advice Goddess columnist, has no sympathy for the sardines. She said it's ludicrous to assume the middle-seated passenger is blessed with both armrests.

"Everybody paid for a seat. Everybody gets a seat and a little bit of armrest," she said. Alkon is not moved by the argument that the window- and aisle-seat occupants have enough room to recline simply because they're not closed in by passengers on both sides.

"If the person in the aisle hangs their arm out too far, it's going to get chopped off by the drink cart," she said. According to Alkon, passengers need to deal with the issue before they even board the plane.

"If you want to have a different space, you have to prepare for what you're comfortable with," she said. "People don't like the middle seat. So you know what? Make a reservation sooner and get a seat that's not in the middle."

Patrick Hancock, an international flight attendant based in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, believes in achieving armrest harmony through sharing. He said he has had to get in the middle of armrest fights between junior high students and other kids. In such cases, he tells them to imagine a dividing line down the middle of the armrest that must not be crossed.

"If I was called on to mediate such a dispute between adults, because they're acting like children, I'd give them the children rule," he said. "You have to share. You each get one half, and if you can't share, you can't have any."